As you know I'm back home in Oklahoma. It's been fun but also very tough.
Pretty much all of my friends that I made at OU have moved to bizarre lands such as Omaha and Virginia. :) And just as I became very close to some people in Minneapolis I left. I don't regret coming back, but I miss everyone and all of the familiarity of Minnes-oh-ta very much.
I miss working at the coffee shop and finding that comfort in seeing the same faces everyday. And knowing the customers well enough to give them a hard time and vice versa is pretty special to me. I mailed out all of my Christmas cards yesterday. I sent Holli a big envelope with some cards for the regulars at the shop that had become pretty near and dear to my heart.
It doesn't help that I'm going through a slight rough patch with my playing. My reeds are crap and in turn my playing is crap. You might say I hit a wall. It has happened before, but it's hitting a little extra hard because I have nothing exciting coming up to pull me out of it, and all I have behind me is 11 rejections. I also haven't started working yet so I have a lot of time during the day when I'm alone and I realize how bad my playing. Usually when I get stressed about it I take some much needed quality time to spend with my friends. That in turn leads to me having time to think about how none of them are here with me. Then I just get even more down. People have told me that one of the reasons life is hard is because you have to move away from friends a lot in life. I find this especially hard because I met these people at a time in my life when I was really starting to discover who I am. I was a long distance from home for the first time, no family or friends within any range other than a cell phone. I created that entire part of my life by myself. No friends of the family or friends of friends. I had to go out there and meet all of those people on my own and get that job on my own. There's all of my incredible friends, but also the relationships at the coffee shop. I know I come back to that a lot, but that's one of the things I'm most proud of. When I started working there I was terrified. I was still pretty shy (not really coming out of my shell until the start of my 2nd year at school). Everyone who worked there knew everyone's drinks and I thought I'd never get to that point. But I did! Not only did I know their drinks, but also their names, and they in turn knew my name. And every morning, no matter how much of a hurry they were in, they took the time to talk to me. We'd discuss family, weekends, vacations, work, Sooner football, and they supported and encouraged me during my auditions period, just like my family. They sent good thoughts, cards, whatever. They were so great..... and it was all mine.
This has probably all been hard because I have so much time on my hands. But I start my job tomorrow so hopefully this will all iron itself out. It puts me in quite the mood, and I often feel pretty bad because there's nothing anyone can do. They cant' magically make my playing better or bring my friends to see me. I am really excited about my job though! I will be working full time so I'll have to get up early to practice every morning (which I love!). I won't have as much time to practice, but at least I'll be in some kind of routine which keeps me sane and lack of routine is probably one of the reasons I'm having such a difficult time right now. I am going to manage an office supply store in Blanchard, USA. :) My friends dad is opening it and he asked me if I would be interested in taking on the challenge. I am more than happy to! I'm actually really excited. It will be a lot of work, but I think I'll be comfortable there so I won't e getting stressed out all of the time, which is a huge plus. And he will be able to work with me when I need a few days to go audition. I think it will all work out for the best. Getting through the wall has just become a huge challenge. Especially without the support I'm used to having. Don't get me wrong.... my family is great and they've supported me more than anyone, and for that I'm very thankful and lucky..... it's just a different kind of support. Not that one is better than the other. Anyway, that's all. I didn't mean for this to be such a bummer, but sometimes you need to get stuff off of your chest. Consider this like a journal :)
