MAYBEEEEES

Since I don't have cute kids to post pictures of or super exciting stories to share you don't get me very often. However...I've been home from vacation for almost 2 weeks and all I have to say is I'M READY FOR MORE!!! The kids I watch are pleasantly occupying each other at the moment and we haven't had any potty training breakdowns today. All I can say is that babysitting is the BEST BIRTH CONTROL EVER!! I love kids and look forward to having them someday, but right now I'm pretty content with traveling and not taking care of someone who can't poop on their own. I have a whole new level of respect for you mothers out there! God bless you all!! ;)

This time of year it always seems like things are completely up in the air. Maybe this....maybe that...maybe this is where you'll be in a month...

It makes me very antsy and uncomfortable. For those who might not know me well, I am a very plan-happy kind of person. I realize I'm in the wrong field to not be okay with this lifestyle, but I love what I do so I try to make it work. I just get a little extra stressed this time of year.

1. I MIGHT have an audition at the end of August, therefore...

2. I MIGHT have to get a plane ticket to Portland, OR so..

...

3. I MIGHT (if I somehow miraculously get this job) have to figure out what to do about my newly leased apartment.

4. I MIGHT have an interview to teach bassoon at the University of Tulsa

5. I MIGHT have to change all of my client and aerobics class availability for the traveling if I get the job

6. I MIGHT have to drive to Tulsa every week (however lucky enough that my grandparents live there so I would have someone to stay with) and last but not least

7. I MIGHT have to move to Alaska to get out of this 2 straight months of over 100 degrees weather! Who wants to come with me?!

These may not seem like a huge deal, and some may seem like good Mights and Maybe's. but

I just want things to be in line...in a very straight line. :) While all of these things are panning out this is what I'm trying to keep in my mind to keep me nice and calm..

Frisbee with Dad at the beach near their home in Port St. Lucie, FL

The back patio of the student union at University of Wisconsin

Our sunset booze cruise in Key West

LUCKY

As I was packing up my apartment I decided to get super organized with everything. who are we kidding...I don't

need an excuse to get super organized with everything. :)

Anyway...I realized I hadn't emptied my camera in awhile. I came across these pictures.

Looking at them I got that horrible panicky wreck feeling all over again. I started thinking how lucky I was.

-Lucky that my parents put me in a vehicle that held up like it did after rolling and flipping end to end.

-Lucky there was no traffic (in a normally high traffic area) as my car skidded from the left lane all the way across the interstate.

-Lucky that all I got was a concussion (from my bassoon which flew from the back seat).

It could have been so much worse than it was. The inside did not hold up as well as the outside, but I couldn't stand looking at pictures of that. Even the crew that showed up at the wreck kept saying we were lucky to be alive. Moments like these just make you realize how much you should cherish every moment. I don't want to sound preachy or cliche, but it's common sense...don't ever take anyone or anything for granted. That easy. Feel lucky that you wake up each morning and live the life you get to live.

HILARIOUS!

Since my "Torn" post was such a downer I wanted to share the conversation I had with one of my clients. She is a little older lady, shorter than me, about 70 years old.....

Client: "by the way honey, I curse like a sailor."
Me: "haha. well, I think I can handle myself. You just let it out."

Me: "So what are some of your goals. what would you like my help with?"
Client: "well, I wouldn't mind if things were tighter. I don't mind if my boobs jiggle but I dont'
want my ass to jiggle."
Me: "You're funny. I like hanging out with you."
Client: "well hell! if that's the case lets forget this workout and go have a beer!"

Client: "So how do you de-stress?"
Me: "I like to clean my house. It makes me feel much better and very relaxed."
Client: "Oh honey I can think of much better ways to de-stress. It's called Margaritaville.
I've visited there maaaaaany times."

Client: "my husband and I used to own horses and we gave riding lessons. Daughter of (insert well-known OK family name here) used to take lessons. She was an uppity little bitch. I kicked her out. "


This woman is the feistiest lady I've ever met!!! :)

TORN.....

Not that anyone reads this, but if by chance you do some much needed advice is welcome....

I've been struggling a lot lately with things like "how much is too much?" "when is it okay to
tell someone no?" "where do you draw the line?" and "when is it okay to lay down the law and tell a superior what you want?".

I've taken on a new job as a trainer at a new gym here in town. I absolutely love it!! It does get a little frustrating sometimes because my schedule is never the same and people can schedule appointments as last minutes as they want. I might get a call at 9pm saying I have an extra client or I go in the next day to work with someone and then find more people have been scheduled after them...bye bye lunch. It's not that I mind the clients because a girl has to make a living, but as an employee am I allowed to make demands such as "a client must schedule at least 24 hours in advance" or "I must be contacted when any change (add-on or cancellation) has been made to my schedule." At first I didn't mind, but it got to the point where I never new my schedule until I got to work and then to find out I was there all day (no lunch break, no practice time) and then people would just not show up. If I'd known I was going to be there all day I could have brought my bassoon along and practiced when someone didnt' show. And it was very difficult having no lunch and then teaching back to back zumba or spinning classes.

And when can you begin to ask for days off without feeling like a child getting scolded? I literally have no days off during the week at all! Training and teaching every day. I'm beginning to feel like 13 classes a week is just too much. I start to feel like maybe I'm just being a weenie and I shoudl be able to handle that no problem, but again....no day off. The only days I don't teach 2-3 classes are Saturday and Sunday when I teach one each. I feel bad because people count on me to teach these classses (employers and participants) but at what point can I say enough is enough and not feel horribly guilty? I'm exhausted. I like to give 100% in my classes, but that level is getting very difficult to attain every time.

Don't get me wrong...I absolutely love teaching and even more so training, but it's really hard to push through the more difficult and tiring days when there is no light at the end of the tunnel. No end in sight. No day to relax your muscles, be lazy, do what you want, and catch your breath. But as an employee when do I have the right to ask for that kind of demand? Should I always be willing to bend over backwards for people? Even clients? I make exceptions when it comes to scheduling appointments all of the time, even if it goes into my free time because I feel like it's my obligation to do so. And if I don't I feel like I'm just being selfish with my time.

How do I get past all of this, figure out what is acceptable and fair to everyone else, but still find time and not feel guilty about having time for me? I'm not proud of this, but yesterday I just got to the point where I felt I couldn't take anymore. I called my mom and just cried because I was exhausted and didn't feel like I could go anymore but still had 3 classes to teach (all in a row) last night. I cried almost all day...just for no reason except the fact I felt like I was falling apart.

I have an audition coming up on top of all of this which I have mixed feelings about. I think I'll do okay and might have a chance, but if I had been able to be as focused as I normally am I could kick this thing in the ass!!

so where do you draw the line? I still have to make a living so I don't want to jeopardize everything by making some request that seems unreasonable to the people for whom I work. Torn between feeling sane or feeling guilty. Which will it be?.......

Reflecting...

So I'm in Baton Rouge for the 3rd time this orchestra season. When I am here I have a lot of time to myself (which is not a bad thing) to sit and think about things: past, present, future.

Lately I've been thinking back on all of the decisions I've made in this year. I think it's because all of a sudden I realized that 2010 is coming to an end! Already! It went by very quickly. I've felt this way all year. I remember thinking back in January how much happened in just 1 short month.

-New Years Eve concert with Baton Rouge Symphony

-1 week in New Orleans playing with the Louisiana Philharmonic

-1 week in Baton Rouge playing in a Chris Botti concert.

-Principal bassoon gig with the Tulsa Philharmonic

Since then, I've finished my first season with the Baton Rouge Symphony Orchestra and started my 2nd. I received my Personal Trainers license, Zumba and Zumba Toning Certification, CPR/First Aid Certification, Water Safety Certification, Water Fitness Certification, trained in Bags and Cycling. I teach at pretty much a different gym every night of the week except Sunday (gotta have those days off). I just accepted a job at a new gym and will hopefully establish enough clientele there that I can maybe thin out my traveling back and forth from 5 different places. The new Fitness One hired me as a personal trainer and cycling instructor. The target opening date is the 20th of this month! I realize I might have added just another destination to my cramped schedule but I'm really hoping that working at a "legit" gym I will be able to establish more of a permanent home. I love training at OU, but students can be unreliable and quite flaky as clients. I often find myself frustrated with them because they don't want to push as hard as I would like to push them. Fitness One is going to be an excellent facility and the people I've met are top notch so I'm super excited about getting started!

Seeing as how I've been trying to start a new career since August things have been a little tighter than I'm used to having a 9-6, M-F job. No surprise to me of course. I knew it was coming. It's been fun, it's been stressful, it's been an adventure. I am constantly amazed at how wonderful everyone has been!! They always have me in the front of their mind when extra classes/hours are available. They call me in for small jobs that they need "help" with, even though I'm pretty sure it could be handled by them alone. Turns out....they want me to succeed! Who knew!? As much as we seem to think people disappoint us on a day to day basis, let me tell you that is absolutely false! Yes, there are those we can't count on..I'm not completely naive, but for the most part people are good and gracious and they want to help you in any way they can! It's okay to see the best in people, they might surprise you!! I taught at a zumbathon a couple of weeks ago that was set up by one instructor for another who's family needed financial help. Their unborn baby is going to need heart surgery right after he is born, but insurance won't cover all of the costs. We raised over $3000!! If you have faith in people they will have faith in you and their support will carry you quite a long way. Never take that for granted. Otherwise you will get nowhere alone.

After reflecting on all of these things from 2010 I start thinking how different it could have been. What if I had decided to go through with the move to Baton Rouge?

-I wouldn't have had the connections I did to get started with the fitness part of my career which would have made life a living hell! Getting started is the hardest part, but having people who know and care about you to help you get started makes a world of difference.

- I could have been putting myself in huge financial trouble! Why do that if it's not totally necessary?

-I wouldn't have met all of the incredible people I have since starting in August. Other instructors and trainers, colleagues, friends, others.

I realize there would have been some good things about moving to Baton Rouge, but I'm so glad I didn't. I can't help but think of all the things I would have missed out on had I moved! I knew in my heart it wasn't the right time, but I wasn't sure why. I was even a little upset with myself for not taking that step. I felt like I had chickened out, and I beat myself up over it for months. All of my life people have been telling me that things happen for a reason or they happen when they are meant to happen. I always smiled and nodded because I knew they were trying to make me feel better for whatever reason, but a small part of me believes it now. I'm not saying I'm a die hard believer in Fate and that my life is already planned out for me. But I do believe there is a path and you choose which turns you take, which fork in the road, etc. I'm not going to get super philosophical or anything.

We often make decisions not based on our gut but based on what other people have to say about them. We may be afraid to make a choice because of what someone else will think. Well screw that! (easier said than done, I know). Do what feels right for you. Think about yourself and what makes you happy. You are the only one who has to fully live with the decision you make. If you're gut tells you not to move....don't move! If it tells you to move...pack up the U-Haul! Just listen to your heart....it will rarely steer you in the wrong direction.

To sum everything up...this has been an incredible year in so many different ways! One of best I think! I'm even coming to terms with and looking forward to 27! (after a month of adjusting).

I'm really happy I didn't move to Baton Rouge. Sometimes things just have a way of working themselves out and falling into place when you least expect it.

BAD LITTLE BLOGGER......

So first I will apologize for any typos. It seems that I've turned into an old fart and have developed arthritis in my riht pointer finger. I'm trying to use it as little as possible. learning to type with only 4 fingers is quite odd.

As some of you know I quit my comfy full-time job at the beginning of August. It was a hard decision but something that had to be done. There were some things I wanted to try and I decided the best way to make myself do them was to jump in blindfolded with no floaties. I received my personal trainers license, group fitness certification, and water fitness certification back in May and April. I decided to try free lancing and see what happened. I was completely freaked out about several things: no set schedule, no consistent paycheck, etc. Things are looking up though! I have been hired several different places to do several different things and most im,portantly they are all OKAY with me being gone for symphony rehearsals in Baton Rouge.

I will be teaching zumba at OU, Shawnee YMCA, OBU, Crosspoint Church, and Pauls Valley Dance STation along with Bags/Kickboxing at OU. I have also been hired as a personal trainer at Crosspoint church (they have their own gym set up) and OU. I'm so excited but so nervous!

I was concerned that I would have too much spare time on my hands, but it doesn't look like it will be much of a problem. Not to mention my new form of income will wear you out!! yay! :)

Monday: Bags 5:30-6:30 and clients the rest of the day

Tuesday: OBU Zumba 4-5, bassoon lessons 5-6, Shawnee YMCA Zumba 6:45-7:45

Wednesday: Clients in the AM, quintet rehearsal, Crosspoint Zumba

Thursday: clients in the AM, quintet rehearsal, PV Zumba

Friday: clients in the AM, OU zumba

I'm so excited that things seem to be somewhat (fingers crossed) taking off. And the first orchestra rehearsal is in 2 WEEKS!!!!!!!! WAAAAAHOOOOO!!! It's really the light of my life :)

Let's hope my finger can keep up. So that's pretty much the update. Stressing a little, but enjoying life fully. And I live right down the road from the football stadium so I get to be right in the thick of thigns on game day!!! woot!!

MY RECITAL

Here is my recital. It was soooo much fun! Thanks to everyone who came to watch and came to play!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejxMYiFVJk0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9FX-pT_nO4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u95Om5VZM2s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWv2WceKNkA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BszB3axyCWY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DoYSqm50EU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wm-HP1VGn1g

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dc7OGaRcyxk

......

I realize my posts have not been interesting as of late. This does not mean I'm a boring lump. :) I'm still doing so many things I can't keep my head on straight, but plans are changing and once again everything seems to be up in the air. Once some kind of plan gets established I will keep everyone updated. Lets just say it's looking like Oklahoma will be my home for another year and I will officially be entering the world of the grown-ups by purchasing a new car. Like I said.....things are iffy. That is all. But don't worry......I'm still alive and kicking, barely.

Boring fact for you but interesting one for me! The first 3 blogs on my blog list to the side are all friends with little girls named Addison! So therefore, no one else can name their daughter Addison. Otherwise I'm going to get very confused. :)