MAYBEEEEES

Since I don't have cute kids to post pictures of or super exciting stories to share you don't get me very often. However...I've been home from vacation for almost 2 weeks and all I have to say is I'M READY FOR MORE!!! The kids I watch are pleasantly occupying each other at the moment and we haven't had any potty training breakdowns today. All I can say is that babysitting is the BEST BIRTH CONTROL EVER!! I love kids and look forward to having them someday, but right now I'm pretty content with traveling and not taking care of someone who can't poop on their own. I have a whole new level of respect for you mothers out there! God bless you all!! ;)

This time of year it always seems like things are completely up in the air. Maybe this....maybe that...maybe this is where you'll be in a month...

It makes me very antsy and uncomfortable. For those who might not know me well, I am a very plan-happy kind of person. I realize I'm in the wrong field to not be okay with this lifestyle, but I love what I do so I try to make it work. I just get a little extra stressed this time of year.

1. I MIGHT have an audition at the end of August, therefore...

2. I MIGHT have to get a plane ticket to Portland, OR so..

...

3. I MIGHT (if I somehow miraculously get this job) have to figure out what to do about my newly leased apartment.

4. I MIGHT have an interview to teach bassoon at the University of Tulsa

5. I MIGHT have to change all of my client and aerobics class availability for the traveling if I get the job

6. I MIGHT have to drive to Tulsa every week (however lucky enough that my grandparents live there so I would have someone to stay with) and last but not least

7. I MIGHT have to move to Alaska to get out of this 2 straight months of over 100 degrees weather! Who wants to come with me?!

These may not seem like a huge deal, and some may seem like good Mights and Maybe's. but

I just want things to be in line...in a very straight line. :) While all of these things are panning out this is what I'm trying to keep in my mind to keep me nice and calm..

Frisbee with Dad at the beach near their home in Port St. Lucie, FL

The back patio of the student union at University of Wisconsin

Our sunset booze cruise in Key West

LUCKY

As I was packing up my apartment I decided to get super organized with everything. who are we kidding...I don't

need an excuse to get super organized with everything. :)

Anyway...I realized I hadn't emptied my camera in awhile. I came across these pictures.

Looking at them I got that horrible panicky wreck feeling all over again. I started thinking how lucky I was.

-Lucky that my parents put me in a vehicle that held up like it did after rolling and flipping end to end.

-Lucky there was no traffic (in a normally high traffic area) as my car skidded from the left lane all the way across the interstate.

-Lucky that all I got was a concussion (from my bassoon which flew from the back seat).

It could have been so much worse than it was. The inside did not hold up as well as the outside, but I couldn't stand looking at pictures of that. Even the crew that showed up at the wreck kept saying we were lucky to be alive. Moments like these just make you realize how much you should cherish every moment. I don't want to sound preachy or cliche, but it's common sense...don't ever take anyone or anything for granted. That easy. Feel lucky that you wake up each morning and live the life you get to live.

HILARIOUS!

Since my "Torn" post was such a downer I wanted to share the conversation I had with one of my clients. She is a little older lady, shorter than me, about 70 years old.....

Client: "by the way honey, I curse like a sailor."
Me: "haha. well, I think I can handle myself. You just let it out."

Me: "So what are some of your goals. what would you like my help with?"
Client: "well, I wouldn't mind if things were tighter. I don't mind if my boobs jiggle but I dont'
want my ass to jiggle."
Me: "You're funny. I like hanging out with you."
Client: "well hell! if that's the case lets forget this workout and go have a beer!"

Client: "So how do you de-stress?"
Me: "I like to clean my house. It makes me feel much better and very relaxed."
Client: "Oh honey I can think of much better ways to de-stress. It's called Margaritaville.
I've visited there maaaaaany times."

Client: "my husband and I used to own horses and we gave riding lessons. Daughter of (insert well-known OK family name here) used to take lessons. She was an uppity little bitch. I kicked her out. "


This woman is the feistiest lady I've ever met!!! :)

TORN.....

Not that anyone reads this, but if by chance you do some much needed advice is welcome....

I've been struggling a lot lately with things like "how much is too much?" "when is it okay to
tell someone no?" "where do you draw the line?" and "when is it okay to lay down the law and tell a superior what you want?".

I've taken on a new job as a trainer at a new gym here in town. I absolutely love it!! It does get a little frustrating sometimes because my schedule is never the same and people can schedule appointments as last minutes as they want. I might get a call at 9pm saying I have an extra client or I go in the next day to work with someone and then find more people have been scheduled after them...bye bye lunch. It's not that I mind the clients because a girl has to make a living, but as an employee am I allowed to make demands such as "a client must schedule at least 24 hours in advance" or "I must be contacted when any change (add-on or cancellation) has been made to my schedule." At first I didn't mind, but it got to the point where I never new my schedule until I got to work and then to find out I was there all day (no lunch break, no practice time) and then people would just not show up. If I'd known I was going to be there all day I could have brought my bassoon along and practiced when someone didnt' show. And it was very difficult having no lunch and then teaching back to back zumba or spinning classes.

And when can you begin to ask for days off without feeling like a child getting scolded? I literally have no days off during the week at all! Training and teaching every day. I'm beginning to feel like 13 classes a week is just too much. I start to feel like maybe I'm just being a weenie and I shoudl be able to handle that no problem, but again....no day off. The only days I don't teach 2-3 classes are Saturday and Sunday when I teach one each. I feel bad because people count on me to teach these classses (employers and participants) but at what point can I say enough is enough and not feel horribly guilty? I'm exhausted. I like to give 100% in my classes, but that level is getting very difficult to attain every time.

Don't get me wrong...I absolutely love teaching and even more so training, but it's really hard to push through the more difficult and tiring days when there is no light at the end of the tunnel. No end in sight. No day to relax your muscles, be lazy, do what you want, and catch your breath. But as an employee when do I have the right to ask for that kind of demand? Should I always be willing to bend over backwards for people? Even clients? I make exceptions when it comes to scheduling appointments all of the time, even if it goes into my free time because I feel like it's my obligation to do so. And if I don't I feel like I'm just being selfish with my time.

How do I get past all of this, figure out what is acceptable and fair to everyone else, but still find time and not feel guilty about having time for me? I'm not proud of this, but yesterday I just got to the point where I felt I couldn't take anymore. I called my mom and just cried because I was exhausted and didn't feel like I could go anymore but still had 3 classes to teach (all in a row) last night. I cried almost all day...just for no reason except the fact I felt like I was falling apart.

I have an audition coming up on top of all of this which I have mixed feelings about. I think I'll do okay and might have a chance, but if I had been able to be as focused as I normally am I could kick this thing in the ass!!

so where do you draw the line? I still have to make a living so I don't want to jeopardize everything by making some request that seems unreasonable to the people for whom I work. Torn between feeling sane or feeling guilty. Which will it be?.......