TORN.....

Not that anyone reads this, but if by chance you do some much needed advice is welcome....

I've been struggling a lot lately with things like "how much is too much?" "when is it okay to
tell someone no?" "where do you draw the line?" and "when is it okay to lay down the law and tell a superior what you want?".

I've taken on a new job as a trainer at a new gym here in town. I absolutely love it!! It does get a little frustrating sometimes because my schedule is never the same and people can schedule appointments as last minutes as they want. I might get a call at 9pm saying I have an extra client or I go in the next day to work with someone and then find more people have been scheduled after them...bye bye lunch. It's not that I mind the clients because a girl has to make a living, but as an employee am I allowed to make demands such as "a client must schedule at least 24 hours in advance" or "I must be contacted when any change (add-on or cancellation) has been made to my schedule." At first I didn't mind, but it got to the point where I never new my schedule until I got to work and then to find out I was there all day (no lunch break, no practice time) and then people would just not show up. If I'd known I was going to be there all day I could have brought my bassoon along and practiced when someone didnt' show. And it was very difficult having no lunch and then teaching back to back zumba or spinning classes.

And when can you begin to ask for days off without feeling like a child getting scolded? I literally have no days off during the week at all! Training and teaching every day. I'm beginning to feel like 13 classes a week is just too much. I start to feel like maybe I'm just being a weenie and I shoudl be able to handle that no problem, but again....no day off. The only days I don't teach 2-3 classes are Saturday and Sunday when I teach one each. I feel bad because people count on me to teach these classses (employers and participants) but at what point can I say enough is enough and not feel horribly guilty? I'm exhausted. I like to give 100% in my classes, but that level is getting very difficult to attain every time.

Don't get me wrong...I absolutely love teaching and even more so training, but it's really hard to push through the more difficult and tiring days when there is no light at the end of the tunnel. No end in sight. No day to relax your muscles, be lazy, do what you want, and catch your breath. But as an employee when do I have the right to ask for that kind of demand? Should I always be willing to bend over backwards for people? Even clients? I make exceptions when it comes to scheduling appointments all of the time, even if it goes into my free time because I feel like it's my obligation to do so. And if I don't I feel like I'm just being selfish with my time.

How do I get past all of this, figure out what is acceptable and fair to everyone else, but still find time and not feel guilty about having time for me? I'm not proud of this, but yesterday I just got to the point where I felt I couldn't take anymore. I called my mom and just cried because I was exhausted and didn't feel like I could go anymore but still had 3 classes to teach (all in a row) last night. I cried almost all day...just for no reason except the fact I felt like I was falling apart.

I have an audition coming up on top of all of this which I have mixed feelings about. I think I'll do okay and might have a chance, but if I had been able to be as focused as I normally am I could kick this thing in the ass!!

so where do you draw the line? I still have to make a living so I don't want to jeopardize everything by making some request that seems unreasonable to the people for whom I work. Torn between feeling sane or feeling guilty. Which will it be?.......